What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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