Sponge bath it is.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
