thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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