AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
