Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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