dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
