Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO