My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think your dad took our porno
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?