My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
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look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.