Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.