i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I enjoy the company of your penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
