Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
