see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
