his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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