she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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