I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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