doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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