I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
