So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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