I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
