mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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