my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
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The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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