I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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