walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
