I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
