This is not my ceiling
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize
