I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
