need another drink. this is the easiest way
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
