Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
