How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
