I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
