meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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