3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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