just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
