I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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