I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
