Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
