He kissed a someone with a penis
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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