I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
