I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
