I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
