I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
