why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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