Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
