I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
