Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
