Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
