I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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