She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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