the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
