I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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