ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
