Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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