Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
