If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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