You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
