just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
