Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
