in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He kissed a someone with a penis
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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