census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
