I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
