Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm really busy with my period
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