the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
