you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
