saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
