O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
