she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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