i don't plan on having that self control this summer
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
