Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
