for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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