I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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