Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
