So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
