so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
