And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
